I Had An Epiphany

Despite what the frothy-mouthed Hokie natives here believe, I like Virginia Tech football. The fans are great, they're the best team in their conference, the tailgating is top-notch, and they modeled their defense after UW's in the early 90s. What's not to like?

But something has always bugged me about the Hokies. There was a bad taste in my mouth that I couldn't quite identify.

After reading players' and coaches' comments about Saturday’s clown-stomping, and their reaction to VT falling ass-backwards into the Sugar Bowl, it finally came to me.


My problem lies with Frank Beamer. The Frankinator. Saint Francis of Fancy Gap.

I can't fucking stand Frank Beamer.

There, I said it. I surrender myself to whatever punishment my fellow authors feel is appropriate.

But first, please let me present my case.

CHARGE #1: Extreme and irrational resistance to change

Since the BCS title game run of 2000, VT has dominated its conference(s), but hasn't seriously contended for another BCS title. Unfortunately, getting back to the title game requires doing something that Beamer doesn't do well: Adjust.

The scheduling strategy is one example of this behavior. Even though the ACC has completely tanked as a football conference (stop it Hokie fans, this is not debatable), Beamer and Jim Weaver continue to schedule 3 cupcake out-of-conference teams every year. Their hope is that the ACC will have enough "good" teams to improve their profile. Then at the end of the year, after the ACC has pooped all over itself, Beamer whines about not getting the national respect he desperately craves. (To be fair, it's not his fault that Florida State and Miami have been irrelevant for 8 years. But his failure to acknowledge that the ACC "ain't what it used to be" holds VT back.)

The offense, however, is the most obvious example of Frank's arrogance. For the better part of 10 years, VT has struggled to maintain an offense that doesn’t completely and totally suck balls on a weekly basis.

Exhibit A

Two common threads through the most recent problems are the offensive coordinator (Bryan "Why Pass On First Down?" Stinespring) and the offensive line coach (Curt "What's A Stunt?" Newsome). Stinespring and Newsome successfully recruit Tyrod-tastic skill players, and "capable" linemen. But their terrible coaching costs VT at least 2 games every year.


Beamer has taken steps to ensure that this won't change. When presented with criticism of his ass-tacular offense, Beamer gets red-faced, stomps his feet, and screams like a 5-year-old (see: the Jason from Arlington incident). Even when Stinespring was forced out of playcalling duties last offseason, Beamer insisted that Stinespring retain his "OC" label.

Beamer's stated goal for the VT program is to win a BCS title. However, Beamer also loves "his guys" and the culture he's created. As my mom told me when I wanted a Butterfinger AND a Snickers, "You may only have one." (Pshh, I know, right?)

There's nothing inherently wrong with Beamer maintaining a "family" culture if his goal is to hang out, drink some ‘shine, and ride Bud Foster's defense to wins over Duke and East Carolina. But these behaviors run totally counter to the mission statement of the program.

As long as Beamer rams his heels into the ground at the very suggestion of change, that infamous trophy case is going to remain empty. In the words of a better Metallica song than the one Hokies like: "Sad But True."

......P.S. Lord help VT if they lose Bud Foster.

CHARGE #2: Blaming everyone but himself (a.k.a. "Bitch Moves")

When things go wrong and VT loses, Beamer reliably does the following:

• Mumbles incoherent coach-speak. "We did some things, they did some things," etc. (To be fair, he does this after wins, too.)
• Deflects blame like his job is at risk. (Put other ways: He punks out. He throws people under the bus. He pulls a bitch move.)

"You! This is all YOUR fault!"

Comments from Saturday's game provide the perfect example. When asked about the obviously inferior gameplan's role in a 38-10 loss, Beamer said "I don't blame our preparation."

REALLY? Your preparation wasn't a problem? Your preparation involved minimal read-option, even though it was used to great success for the past 5+ games? Your preparation involved keeping your fastest player out of the game, except for the times you wanted to run him into a 12-man blitz/coverage? THAT was your preparation?

What did you expect your kids to do? This?

The worst bitch move this season, however, occurred after the first Clemson loss. The Hokies got a false start penalty after a timeout at a key moment in the game. It was a huge coaching error. I’ve barely played any flag football, and even I know it's the coaches' job to ensure that everyone knows the snap count for the play after a timeout.

What did Beamer do? Own up and apologize?

Of course not. He blamed the band.

"Usually the band's good with us, but they were loud and we couldn't hear the snap count, so we jump offsides." Nevermind the fact that we were coming out of a timeout, or that video evidence later proved the band wasn't even playing at the time. Nice move, bitch.

He retracted (slightly) a few days later, but it was still an outrageous bitch move. Even for a guy who is an expert at them.

CHARGE #3: The "10-win" thing

"What?? You called pass interference on us?? Don't you know we win 10 games every year???"

Frank Beamer has 10-win Tourette's. It’s his go-to statement when it’s obvious things aren't going his way in an interview.

Terrible offense? "Well, we have 11 wins, and we're pretty proud of that."

8-10 record in bowl games, including 2-5 in BCS bowls? "Can't worry about that, we're just trying to get to 10 wins."

Awful record in marquee games against top opponents? "Well we have 10 wins, so we're obviously like Southern Cal."

Gifted with an undeserved bowl bid that has the nation up in arms? "Well we have a chance to get to 12 wins, which is pretty neato burrito. We're basically the best team ever."

Hey Frank, and Hokie fans who happily swallow this line: Ten annual wins over inferior competition (and minimal major bowl victories) does not make you like Southern Cal. You're more like Boise State. Or Gonzaga in basketball.

Ten-win seasons are nothing to turn up your nose at. But Frank's constant whining for respect gets REALLY old, REALLY quick.

CLOSING ARGUMENT

None of this should be taken as a suggestion that Frank Beamer should be fired, so the Hokies can pursue loftier goals. For all of his faults, Beamer also led VT out from the abyss and into the national consciousness. He is coach-for-life, and rightfully so.

However, as the saying goes: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results."

Frank Beamer is insane. And a bit dick-ish.


Hokie fans must embrace the truth about Frank Beamer, and temper expectations accordingly (especially those national title aspirations). He's a bitter old man who refuses to change, blames everyone but himself for the program's problems, and whines like a bitch when he doesn't get respect that he hasn't earned.

As I've outlined, Beamer is an imperfect coach (to say the least). VT is a reflection of him, and it bugs the crap out of me.

So there it is. I love VT football, but hate Frank Beamer. I leave my fate in the hands of the court of my fellow blog authors.

But please, for the love of God, stop asking me to buy raffle tickets for that stupid Beamer-signed football.

Bowl Selection

ACC Championship

Tupac vs. Biggie: 2011 Conference Championship Games

The Pac12 will stage their first-ever football championship game this Friday night. It's like... they've CHANGED, man. They've sold out. Mostly to TV networks, so ass-tons of cash can be divided among the member schools, but still.

Anyway, this seems as good a time as any to start a standard "ACC/Pac12" or "East/West" column. For now I'm calling it Tupac vs. Biggie, but will accept suggestions for a less-stupid name.

This edition will compare this weekend's conference title games. Each conference will be judged on various meaningless categories. I'll try to be as objective as possible, and avoid saying things like the Oregon Ducks suck ass, or Chip Kelly is a smug lying cheating asshole, or Phil Knight uses child slavery to fund his Oregon football fetish, or Duck fans enjoy eating Costco-sized bags of Nike-brand dicks. Oops.

GAME LOCATION

ACC: Charlotte, NC

After 5 years of pathetic crowds in Florida, the ACC caught the vapors, moved their title game to Charlotte in 2010, and played to a near-sellout. They're back in Charlotte this year. The ACC brass continues to be puzzled by this game with the oddly-shaped brown ball, but eventually they figured out what its fans want.

Charlotte is the largest city in North Carolina, a major banking center, a jewel of the "New South" (whatever that means), and the home of Bojangle's and Nascar. Ugh.

Pac12: Eugene, OR

The Pac12 game will be held at the home stadium of the team with the best conference record. This year it's Autzen Stadium in Eugene. Some say that the Pac12 is copping out by choosing an assured sellout over a pure neutral site game, but the Pac12 can't hear you under their enormous pile of money.

Eugene is a beautiful city, with gorgeous scenery and lots of outdoor opportunities. Unfortunately, it's populated by hippies, anarchists, self-righteous college kids, and trailer trash.

Advantage: ACC. I'll take Nascar fans over dirty hippies and Duck fans every day.

TEAMS INVOLVED

ACC: Surging VT plays broke-ass Clemson

VT racked up 11 wins against 11 teams who are currently unranked in the BCS. Despite that, their defense is boneriffic as usual, and their offense appears to have found itself late. ("HOLY CRAP WE HAVE A 500 POUND MOBILE QB AND A SPEEDY TAILBACK! WE SHOULD RUN SOME READ-OPTION!")

Always the eternal optimists, some Hokie fans think that an ACC championship could propel them to the BCS title game. Bless their hearts.

After dealing VT their only loss of the season, Clemson totally collapsed because they're Clemson and that's what they do.

Pac12: Solid Oregon plays chronic underachiever UCLA

Oregon succeeds with their patented "blur" offense, and their "sometimes" defense. The Ducks are also good at smoking weed in university vehicles, going 110 in university vehicles, stealing laptops, and choking their girlfriends. Oregon sucks.

UCLA finished second in the South Division, has a lame-duck head coach, and lost 50-0 last week. UCLA is only here because U$C (the hottest team in the country right now) is still on probation. Thanks a lot, Trojans.

Advantage: Push. For football-related content, the ACC might be the best choice. But for pure entertainment value, the Pac12 wins. Both games will be blowouts of various magnitude, but UCLA's nationally televised embarrassment promises to deliver lots of laughs. Odds that UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel starts crying on the sideline: 2 to 1.

MEDIA COVERAGE

ACC: ESPN Saturday primetime

Brent Musberger (legendary announcer) and Kirk Herbstreit (legendary hair) will be calling the game. Also playing Saturday in primetime: Oklahoma @ Oklahoma State, and the first-ever Big 10 championship game. Good luck with those TV ratings, ACC.

Pac12: Friday primetime on Fox

(Picture unrelated)

The inaugural Pac12 title game will pre-empt a rerun of Fringe. Are you ready for some football, lazy nerds???

Gus Johnson and some dude will be calling the Pac12 game. Gus Johnson is the greatest play-by-play guy on television today:

Advantage: ACC. Friday night is for high school football.

FANS/GENERAL ENVIRONMENT

ACC: 2 "football-friendly" fanbases

Since both involved schools are within easy driving distance, the ACC title game will be well-attended. It should be an exhibition of all that's fun, great, and exciting about ACC footballAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA OH MAN, ALMOST GOT THROUGH THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

(Credit: RjTheMetalhead of HoisttheColors.net)

Pac12: Oregon

Games in Autzen Stadium are always bananas, especially later kickoffs. I have the battle scars to prove it (e.g. shards of rawhide dog toys lodged in my face).

On a related note: Did you know the "O" hand symbol that Duck fans like to flash means "vagina" in sign language?

Advantage: Pac12 by a lot. Before I get blasted for bias, let it be known that if Stanford were hosting the Pac12 game, the ACC would easily win this category.

CONCLUSION

The ACC will have a better matchup, a neutral field, and 2 fanbases that give a crap about football.

The Pac 12 will have insane Duck fans, and lots of uncomfortable TV shots of Rick Neuheisel.

Ultimately, nobody wins here. Both of these games will require copious amounts of liquor to enjoy properly. The entire institution of college football will suffer as a result of these horrible games.

My advice: Take your ladyfriend/dudefriend out to dinner on Friday night, then watch a better football game on Saturday night.

And remember, ACC fans: UNC basketball takes on Kentucky, Saturday at noon on CBS!

Hoo Dreams

West Coast Tour Guide: Washington State University

Edited November 2016.  To D-Rock's Coug friends: Happy Apple Cup week! Next round of Busch Light is on me.


For this West Coast Tour Guide, I'll introduce you to UW's main in-state rival, Washington State University. WSU is commonly referred to as "Wazzu," which is also a nickname for your butthole.

Back when Washington was a territory, and locations for major institutions were being decided, the city of Walla Walla was given a choice. They would be awarded either the state prison, or the land-grant college that would become Wazzu. Walla Walla chose the prison, for reasons that will become obvious shortly.

The annual football game between UW and Wazzu is known as the Apple Cup (or the "Crapple Cup" when both teams suck). The Apple Cup is a big deal for the weirdos who live or grew up in that state. UW leads the all-time series by something like 1,473 to 12.

Wazzu is quaint, adorable, and irrelevant in almost every facet of its existence.  But let's learn some things about them anyway.

SCHOOL AND ENVIRONS

Washington State University is in Pullman, a town of about 30,000 on the Idaho border, an hour south of Spokane. Almost 75% of Pullman’s population is students, so Pullman summers make Blacksburg summers look like New Year’s Eve in Times Square.

Pullman lies in the "Palouse" region of Washington and Idaho. The Palouse consists of rolling hills, wheat fields, one worthless ag school, and one shining beacon of knowledge. (Moscow, home to the University of Idaho, is 7 miles from Pullman.  Go Vandals!)

Wazzu has several fine academic programs, including vet medicine, agriculture, and journalism. It attracts many bright young scholars who aspire to be our nation's next great food and animal scientists, among other noble professions.

Wazzu also attracts tons of kids who aspire to spend 6 years drinking themselves stupid.

Wazzu's beverage of obsession is Busch Light. By itself, the Pullman-Moscow area accounts for 10% of total national sales for Busch Light, earning this beer its nickname: "Pullman Water."

In the spring of '98, Wazzu administrators enacted a more strict policy against on-campus drinking.  Wazzu students responded with peaceful protests, including sit-ins at the president's office, and productive debates withHAHAHA JUST KIDDING THEY RIOTED.

During my grad school years at Idaho, some classmates and I would occasionally head to Pullman for a change of scenery.  On one of these Pullman Nights, I was dragged to a bar on Colorado Street.  (Valhalla?  Shakers?  I dunno, they all looked the same to me.)  Within 30 minutes of arrival, I had witnessed the following:

• Two bros attempting to lick freshly spilled Busch Light off of a gross bar table.
• Five drunk chicks tripping on a short flight of stairs, and 2 falling down them.
• An extremely drunk girl on crutches, attempting to dry-hump some dude to the rhythm of "Drop It Like It's Hot."

Take-home message for the east coasters:  If you're under the age of 25, and loooooove drankin', Pullman is pretty awesome.  If both of those things aren't true, you're gonna have a bad time.

Famous alums of Wazzu include:

• Edward R. Murrow (journalist)
• Paul Allen (the "other guy" from Microsoft)
• Keith Jackson (legendary sports announcer)
• The dude who created The Far Side
• "Bill Nye the Science Guy" did some grad work there, but doesn't list it on his CV. (Gosh, I wonder why...)

OBLONG BALL

Wazzu's football history consists of long periods of depressing futility, punctuated by occasional bowl losses. Prime example: The Cougs went to their first Rose Bowl in a billion years in '97, lost to Michigan, then finished last in the Pac10 in '98 and '99.


Wazzu football is the inspiration for the term “Cougin' It."  This verb was initially used to define Wazzu's tendency to lose football games in the final minutes via their own mistakes (fumbles, blown coverages, etc.).  Over many years of usage, it has now come to define any form of failure that occurs in spite of all-but-assured success.

Let’s use it in a few sentences:

• "Oh man, I totally Couged that easy putt."
• "The date was going really well until I Couged It by farting during dessert."
• "In 2002 Mike Price left Wazzu to become Alabama’s football coach, then he Couged It so hard."

Side note:  Younger Coug fans, who haven't yet embraced Wazzu's long and distinguished history of failure, have tried to flip this term to "Dawgin' It," because ha ha U Dub sucks Huck the Fuskies 0-and-12 and so forth.  The new phrase hasn't stuck outside of Pullman, but lord knows they'll keep trying until someone acknowledges their effort.  (More on that later.)

Wazzu calls itself "Quarterback U," because they've sent a bunch of overrated QBs to the NFL. Drew Bledsoe, Mark Rypien, and Ryan Leaf are just a few of the QBs who have victimized NFL rosters.


Speaking of Ryan Leaf a.k.a. my favorite Coug of all time: One time some friends of mine (all wearing UW gear) ran into Leaf and his "entourage" at a restaurant in San Diego. Leaf brusquely asked the Huskies if they were from Seattle.  After they all said "yes," he made a wack joke about coffee, and all of his sycophants laughed hysterically.  Ryan Leaf is so cool. I wonder what he's up to right now.

My 2nd favorite Coug of all time was a running back named Deon Burnett. Deon was a dickhead whose shit-talking far surpassed his talent.  Before the '99 Apple Cup, Deon guaranteed a Wazzu win, and promised that he would break the Pac10 freshman rushing record.  Neither of those things happened.

...P.S. One year later during the Apple Cup, with UW up 27-0 at halftime, Deon cleared his locker and quit the team.  I'm going to repeat for emphasis, because as weird as it sounds, I assure you that this is a real thing that actually happened: Wazzu's running back quit the team at halftime of the Apple Cup.


My 3rd favorite Coug is "legendary" quarterback Jason Gesser (above, 3rd from right). In 2002 Wazzu thought Gesser was the bee's knees, so they ran a Heisman campaign for him. As part of this effort, they hung a poster on the grain elevator in Dusty, WA. (Population: 12.) Those Cougs are so clever.

...P.S. Jason Gesser went 0-3 in Apple Cups. Then Oklahoma destroyed the Cougs in the 2003 Rose Bowl, and Gesser cried about it.  Now he's the color commentator on Wazzu radio broadcasts, and is certifiably terrible at it.

Wazzu was coached for several years by Paul Wulff (pictured above, smelling his own farts). Wulff saw great success as coach of FCS powerhouse Eastern Washington University.  Then Wulff went to Wazzu, where over 4 years he won a grand total of 9 games.

Instead of signing Wulff to a lifetime contract like all Husky fans wanted, Wazzu fired him and hired Mike Leach (pictured above, looking weird).  Leach is famous for his "Air Raid" offense, and for his rambling press conferences about things that aren't football (e.g. dating tips, YouTube videos).  After Leach won his first Apple Cup, Wazzu immediately inducted him into their hall of fame, extended his contract by 10 years, and named 2 buildings for him.  (More on that UW obsession a bit later in this post...)

The Cougs play home games in Martin Stadium, a glorified high-school field that's named for a UW graduate. Not kidding.

ROUND BALL

Wazzu's basketball team is similar to the football team, except the periods of futility are about 3 times longer.  Wazzu returned to dominance in the 2000s under Tony Bennett, but when Bennett left for UVA, the Cougs quickly returned to irrelevance.

Home games are played in cavernous Beasley Coliseum. Good seats are always available.

Coug basketball players love weed.

...no seriously, they love weed.

......I don't think you understand, they really really love weed.

FANS

Coug fans are a passionate and rabid bunch... sort of.

Football games rarely sell out (despite their tiny stadium), because the team usually sucks, and because Pullman is in the middle of fucking nowhere. Basketball game attendance is even lighter, because snow and ice make travel to Pullman difficult in winter.

The fans who do show up are drunk and a bit surly, but nothing you can’t handle. Find common ground in a shared hatred of Oregon, or dangle a Busch Light in front of them, and all will be well.

Coug football fans will rush the field (see above) for the following events:

• Defeating a 1-10 UW team in the Apple Cup
• Defeating a 0-12 UW team in the Apple Cup
• Defeating any UW team to win the Apple Cup

Coug basketball fans will rush the court (see above) for the following events:

• Defeating a ranked UW team
• Defeating a .500 UW team
• Catching the hint yet?

BAND NERDS, MASCOTS, AND OTHER SYMBOLS

The Cougar Marching Band is tiny and lame. Wazzu actually pays each nerd a stipend of up to $350 just to be in the band. Apparently Wazzu isn't paying them enough, because they're less entertaining than the last 30 minutes of SNL.


This is Wazzu’s mascot. His name is Butch T. Cougar. Butch is a special cougar whose face was beaten in by its own tail.

Wazzu used to have a live cougar, but they got rid of it because Wazzu is not legally allowed to be that awesome.

Every week during football season on ESPN College GameDay, you might have noticed 1 or 2 Wazzu flags in the background. A small group of Coug fans started this tradition in 2003. They've vowed to continue flying the flags every week until GameDay broadcasts live from Pullman.

Since 2003, GameDay has broadcast from Eugene 8 times.  They've also been to Corvallis, Seattle, Boise, and Provo.  They've visited the Air Force Academy, UMass, James Madison, and North Dakota.  But alas, despite the flags, GameDay has still never broadcast from Pullman.

In what I'm sure is a completely unrelated story, the Wazzu football team's record since 2003 is 68-101.

HOW THIS MAKES YOU FEEL

For the most part, WSU coexists nicely with the rest of the Pac12. The Palouse is beautiful (sometimes), and WSU is a fine institution (sometimes). Coug fans are great people, and a few of them are close friends of mine.  My childhood neighbors are major WSU boosters, and are totally awesome people.  Ferdinand's is amazing.  Cougar Gold cheese is delicious.

However, in the state of Washington (ohh this is going to piss off the Cougs who read this...) Wazzu epitomizes the term "little brother."

Imagine if one school in Virginia had literally all of the "nice things" (research money, successful sports teams, etc.). That's the UW-Wazzu dynamic. With a few exceptions, UW's academic programs are more highly regarded across the board. UW historically dominates Wazzu in both "big money" sports. UW is located in one of the greatest cities in the world, while Wazzu is located in a backwater about 10 miles past the end of civilization.

Now before you start feeling sorry for poor ol' Wazzu, you should know that this dynamic breeds a very intense "little brother" syndrome. The Cougs desperately crave attention (see: the GameDay flags), and live to beat UW in any competition (the Apple Cup, number of license plates sold, fundraising to paint the Space Needle, etc.).  Any other success is gravy. Sweet, delicious gravy.  Perhaps washed down with an ice-cold Busch Light.

Dawg fans hate Wazzu as well, but not to the same extent. They see the Apple Cup as a way to keep the mouthy Cougs quiet for another year.  And I do mean one full year.  Because thanks to the Cougs' obsession with UW (plus Wazzu's history of failure), Coug fans will not shut up about winning an Apple Cup.  Hell, most Coug fans obsess over UW's winless 2008 season as if it's the greatest accomplishment in Wazzu football history.

Let's put this another way: For Coug fans, winning the Apple Cup is the end-all-be-all.  It's Wazzu's annual bowl game. Coug fans pour all of their emotional energy into this game every year.  Many Coug fans would gladly and un-ironically take a 1-10 season from their football team, if that one win was in the Apple Cup.  For UW though, winning the Apple Cup is like getting through Thanksgiving dinner without arguing with your racist uncle: Just an annual obligation.

Let's put this even more simply:  Wazzu's football coach gets a $25,000 bonus for winning the Apple Cup.  By contrast, if UW wins the Apple Cup, the Husky football coach gets to keep his job sometimes.

For my east-coast friends, this is your take-home message: Wazzu sees itself as the lovable underdog. But in reality, they're more like that annoying little dog that obsesses over one particular toy, and won't stop yapping or nipping at your ankle.


......by the way, did I mention that Wazzu kids drink a lot?

Rivalry Week

I am going to kick this post of by telling a little story about an incident that happened Friday Night/Saturday Morning. Well it starts off with Val waking me up at some ungodly hour because the bedroom smells like shit. I then come to realize that Arden(For those of you who don't know the picture below is my dog Arden, he is definitely not the smartest being in the household) decided to take a giant Dump right in the middle of the floor. Being that my floor has more of my close laying around than my closet I immediately panic and see that he has SH*T right on a sweatshirt. Although to my surprise after sifting through the dog doo with paper towels and plastic bags I notice out of all the clothes and random important crap lying around on the floor in my room he chose to crap right on a UVA sweatshirt. The sweatshirt was given to me years ago (I still can't figure out why) and even though having no need for it I kept it around. It has now served it's purpose!

HUSKIES vs DIRTY COUGARS

Although I am not as schooled in West Coast Foozball as My friend Derek is (he will be providing us with a tour of WSU later I believe) I put together this little morsel for viewing tastes.

The Washington Apple vs Busch Light

For some reason I have yet to figure out why WSU fans drink Busch Light (AKA Pulman Water) like Jamarcus Russel drinks Purple Drank.

However I do know that Derek introduced us to a tasty little treat called a Washington Apple

WSU Products vs UW Products

I am pretty sure both teams have had some talent go on to make it in the NFL but I don't know who they are so they don't count. So I picked the only NFL players that I know from each of the two schools to represent.

As we all know Ryan Leaf and Jake Locker were both 1st round NFL draft picks. I get them mixed up but I know one of them is still in the NFL and shows a lot of promise and the other was a bust and got busted.

now on to the HOKIES

HOKIES vs UVAginas

Attendance

For once in a long long time this game actually has some relevance again. As shown earlier with the I Pledge video, the Vaginas seen to be having a tough time drawing fans in to watch the game. But what could UVA fans be doing to keep them from going to the game you ask?

Fan Preparation

I have only been to one UVA vs Tech football game at UVA, but what I have noticed is the Pregame prep is much much different. UVA prepares for a foozball game by dressing up in their dumbest ties and singing some stupid school song while swaying back and forth. VT prepares for a foozball game by Dressing up in Hokie gear, Rocking out to Metallica, and holding up signs about we slept with everyone's mothers from UVA.

Stadium Antics

Lane stadiums is probably one of the most badass muther f*ckin places to go to a football game at, while UVA's stadium....well again they sing some stupid school song and sway back and forth holding each other....oh yeah and some times they do the wave which is about as exciting as getting to watch a Gilmore Girl marathon.

They do the Wave

We Eff'n Rock out

But for you Hoo fans out there, don't fret your school has a plan to keep your football program on the same successful path as previous years.

Ramsey - Out