"A narrative tale that details the strength and will of a man against all odds."- Anonymous prank caller
"Bravo! A normal man faced with a tough business decision and his mental anguish in following through! Classic" - Nobody
"One of the best movies I've seen in a while. Follows the book closely!" - Someone who had just stepped out of the Hunger Games
For me, saying goodbye to Seth Greenberg was simple. He can take his conspiracy theory excuses, over dramatic antics, and piss poor attitude to Connecticut and proudly mock us on ESPN for the next fifteen years - by all means, do it. But before Jim Weaver went straight cold blooded on Seth, I had my doubts about what the presser was about and feared the worst: Bud Foster.
As we know now, the presser (press conference) was called several hours before even Greenberg found out he was fired. David Teel, a journalist, reported to have called Seth at some point and Greenberg answered the phone with, "Yes! I'm still employed.." or something along those lines. At some point between that phone conversation and the press conference, Jim Weaver delivered the news.
Here is the timeline in which I believe shit went down:In mere days leading up to this date, three Greenberg assistants made lateral moves and wouldn't accept more money to return.
Fast-forward: Tuesday, April 24th, 2012
5:30am: Jim Weaver rolls out of bed. Last night was a typical Monday night. Went to bed at 9:30, sharp, like a boss.
5:32am: Clicks on TV, finishes last bit of DVR'd Simpsons from Sunday night. "I kinda look like Homer Simpson," he always thought.
5:45am: Coffee. Extra sugar. Going to be a good day.
5:53am: Read the Roanoke Times sports page. Kind of boring. Not seeing his own name or any noteworthy Hokie news... bothered by it.
6:12am: Shower time. He calls it "wet-naked-Jimmy time" to himself, chuckles aloud. "It's going to be a good day," he thinks with a grin.
6:24am: Puts on the fancy suit. Feelin' a presser comin'. Maybe I'll can the entire tennis program. Fuck'm!
7:10am: Arrives at Virginia Tech office. Tosses aside paperwork from last Hokie basketball assistant coach's departure. Gets an itch to punch a woman... ignores it.
7:12am: Sees a woman. Ignores urge. "She's done nothing to us Jimmy. Let it pass." Takes a deep breath, urge subsides.
7:14-7:33am: Stares out window. Misses the taste of blood. Needs a fresh kill. Sees kids playing tennis pretty early. "They seem so innocent," he thinks. "And they shall be spared.."
7:34am: Checks the Twitters. "No one is making fun of my disease today, that's new." Trending topics are kinda lame. Needs some spice in his life. Reads Reddit and laughs at cats.
8:12am: Greenberg strolls by. He looks all cocky. "Blamed me for not paying his assistants enough. God, I fucking hate that guy. But he's too high profile, the public would burn me."
8:14am: Hears Greenberg shout something from his office to his secretary about why his recruit scheduled for today wasn't scheduled for tomorrow. "Just do your job, Seth," he says to himself. "Today is not the day for shenanigans, I'm out for blood."
8:15am-10:30am: Researches available basketball coaches on the internet.
10:31am: Go talk to Beamer.
10:35am: "God, I love Frank," he thinks to himself. "Just staring at him while he talks is enjoyable. He's such a great man.... Wait, he just asked me a question and I was too busy ogling him to pay attention."
Asks Frank to repeat himself.
"Oh, shew. He was just offering me more coffee... God, sorry Frank. Love you!"
Frank talks about how much he loves all his coaches and they're just one big happy family. "Man, I wish the basketball program had that instead of Greenbooger." Sigh.
11:01am: Googles how to call a press conference.
11:22am: Calls media staff. "Say, how do you schedule a press conference? Totally hypothetical"
11:30am: Inadvertently schedules a press conference for 4pm. How the fuck did I do that? Shit. Shit.
11:32am: Greenberg stops by. Made some half witted gesture about how if all his assistants got free Yukons and blowjobs he wouldn't have to try so hard to keep them around.
11:35am: Googles best way to deliver bad news.
12:04pm: "Off to Our Daily Bread for some fuckin' sweet lunch with my hot wife."
12:32pm: Wife asks why he's being so quiet. He gives her an unsettling look. She quietly picks up her things and leaves. Jim didn't notice that he had been grinding his fork into her hand while thinking of Greenberg. The smell of her fear set him off - Greenberg is on deck.
12:54pm: Back in the office. Cracks knuckles, puts forehead on desk. Thinks.
1:12pm: Visits Frank. Tells Frank the surprise presser has nothing to do with the football program..
Frank is pleased to hear it.
1:45pm: "God I love talking to Frank."
2:23pm: Frank asked how Greenberg took the news. "Jimby fordot," he said through shame. Beamer explains to him in full detail how bad of an idea this is.
2:24pm: Shit!
2:42pm: Greenberg is with a recruit. The recruit doesn't look very interested anyway. Maybe that's a good thing.
2:45pm: News vans starting to roll in. "Better check my Twitter!"
2:53pm: LOLZ, they think Bud is leaving. Hahahaha.
3:03pm: Recruit steps out. Better call Seth in.
3:05pm: Wow, that Seth Greenberg REALLY knows how to use the "fuck" word.
3:09pm: He's in there crying. LOLz
3:12pm: "Oh keep making threats you troll, I'm over here shaking in my boots!"
3:18pm: Back on Twitter baby.
3:30pm: Ha, people think I'm stepping down? Think again. Jimmy lives forever.
3:45pm: Can't tell if I'm shaking because I'm nervous or if..
3:55pm: This is going to be awesome.
In loving memory:
