Rick Perry says...

Hi, I'm Rick Perry and I'm going to be your nation's next President of the United States. I just recently came off a real rough debate where I forgot all about 'energy'. Now, I like 'energy' and I require lots of it when I'm out campaigning and politickin'. But last night all the hulla-balloo on the internet and media about my brain fart bummed me out so before I went on Letterman last night I decided to watch a good football game on the television between the two Techs.

Here are three reasons why Logan Thomas is amazing:

Now, for number one....

Poise.
That man has some of it. He never gets rattled, even on third downs and even when being punched in the head by some asshole. I admire him for his leadership skills and abilities in the clutch. In fact, he reminds me of me.

Number two is obviously...

Strength.
A lot of the minorities in this proud nation refer to this as 'strenf' but it's because they don't talk right. STRENGTH and raw power is what makes Logan Thomas a machine. Those QB sneaks are impressive and honestly, shouldn't be called sneaks anymore. Sneakin' is what you do in politics to fool mass numbers of people into believing you're an honest, sensible man and not some shithouse biggot. No sirree, they should call it the "QB Hammer" because Mr. Thomas just hammers opponents with his size and his strenf.

Derrrrp...

....Ah... shucks, I can't remember the third one.