First Annual HnH Viewing Guide

After 5 years of neglect and emotional abuse from Dish Network, I finally had enough.  So I called DirecTV, told them I was thinking of leaving Dish, and to pitch me.  And that I already knew about all their internet specials, so, you know...... try harder.

Result:  All the premium channels for 3 months, free equipment, free setup, 3-figure rebates, free champagne, free gentle rubdowns for the first year...... and, most importantly, NFL Sunday Ticket Max.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about that last bit.  For casual readers of this blog, my respected co-authors and I might differ strongly in our college and NFL allegiances.  But we're also in a fantasy football league together, and many Sunday afternoons have been spent watching Mick lose on RedZone.

Anyway, D-Rock's house is the place to be on Sundays this fall.  But there's also college ball on Saturdays and Thursdays.  And we have wives/girlfriends who might frown on 96 hours of football viewing every week.  And we have kids and housework and stuff.  That's a lot of balls in the air (giggity).  ......OH, and work, we have work too I guess.

Not to worry.  I've put together the 2012 Hokies N Huskies Football Viewing Guide.  Peruse at your leisure, find games of interest, and find optimal weeks for visiting the in-laws.

For the uninitiated blog readers, allegiances are as follows:

D-Rock:  Huskies and Seahawks

Travicopter:  Hokies and Cowboys

DirtyGirts:  Hokies and Vikings

Mick:  Hokies and Browns

Brian:  Hokies all day errrr day, son

Sat Sept 1

10:30pm:  San Diego State @ UW

Wooooooo games are finally happeninnnnnnnnnnngggggg!!!  Hope we don't lose, that would suck.  Seriously.  There aren't many winnable games in UW's first 6 weeks.

Mon Sept 3

8:00pm:  Georgia Tech @ VT

Hmm opening week against Georgia Tech.  Hmmmm opening the season on Labor Day Night.  When have EITHER of these things turned out well for the Hokies?  Oh by the way, it's supposed to storm on Monday.  I blame Jim Weaver.

Wed Sept 5

8:30pm:  Cowboys @ Giants

Due to the Democratic Convention, I have to decide whether to start Jason Witten on my fantasy team by WEDNESDAY night?  Pshh.  Thanks, Obama.

Sat Sept 8

1:30pm:  Austin (Let’s Go) Peay @ VT

7:00pm:  UW @ LSU

VT plays a Saturday game against an FCS school, right after playing on Monday night.  Hmmmmmmm where have I heard this one before???   No worries this time though, Austin Peay is horrible.  As for UW, hoooooo boy.  If the O-Line doesn't suck, this could be closer than ESPN thinks.  Otherwise, I'll probably need more bourbon after halftime.

Sun Sept 9

1:00pm:  Eagles @ Browns

   Jags @ Vikings

4:00pm:  Seapigeons @ Cards

Week 1 of NFL!  Team "Beast Mode Driving School" begins its drive to the Cornish Hen Fantasy Cup.  ...also, Russell Wilson starts for the Seahawks, that'll be neat.  Also, Vick at the Browns.  Also, Jacksonville still has a team.

Sat Sept 15

12:00pm:  VT @ Pitt

4:00pm:  Portland State @ UW

THANK YOU Jim Weaver.  Please continue to schedule all the noon kickoffs for AWAY GAMES.  As for the UW game........... pass.

Sun Sept 16

1:00pm:   Browns @ Bengals

    Vikings @ Colts

4:00pm:  Cowgirls @ Seadorks

Travicopter vs. D-Rock in the 4pm slot, as Dallas returns to the scene of the most hilarious playoff moment ever.  (...........sorry Trav.)

Sat Sept 22

Time TBD:  Bowling Green @ VT

First in a string of snoozers for VT.  If kickoff is before 2pm, this might be a good weekend to go out of town.

Sun Sept 23

1:00pm:  Bills @ Browns

   Niners @ Vikings

   Bucs @ Cowboys

Interesting Vikings game, otherwise a light weekend at D-Rock's house.

Mon Sept 24

8:30pm:  Packers @ Seaweenies

Monday Night Football finally back in Seattle!  DirtyGirts will especially enjoy watching the Seahawk defense light up Aaron Rodgers.

Thurs Sept 27

8:20pm:  Browns @ Ravens
9:00pm:  Stanford @ UW

First of "3 weeks from hell" for UW, but this looks to be the most winnable of the 3.  Hey, did you hear that Andrew Luck doesn’t play for Stanford anymore?  I just saw this thing on ESPN about how Stanford will have to replace Andrew Luck, because Andrew Luck is in the NFL and is awesome and (according to ESPN) doesn't play for Stanford anymore.  ESPN is wondering what  Stanford should do now that Andrew Luck doesn't play for Stanford anymore because he's in the NFL.  Andrew Luck.  ...also, the Browns lose.  :(

Sat Sept 29

Time TBD:  Cincinnati vs. VT (in DC)

Cincinnati is favored by some to win the Big East, which is like being favored to win a 50-yard dash filled with quadruple-amputees.

Sun Sept 30

1:00pm:  Vikings @ Lions

   Seachickens @ Rams

Big test for the Vikings defense.  Otherwise, this is a “RedZone Channel” kind of day.

Mon Oct 1

8:30pm:  Bears @ Cowboys

Perfect time for Inexplicable Cowboy Loss #1 of the season.

Sat Oct 6

Time TBD:  UW @ Oregon

       VT @ North Carolina

UW will need extra lube this week.  VT will ZZZZZZZZzzzzZZZZZZZ.

Sun Oct 7

1:00pm:  Titans @ Vikings

   Browns @ Giants

4:00pm:  Seapenguins @ Panthers

Jake Locker will make DirtyGirts cry.  Eli Manning will make Mick cry.  Cam Newton (my fantasy QB) will make me cheer.  .......and also cry.

Sat Oct 13

Time TBD:  U$C @ UW

       Duke @ VT

To the Husky who pooped in the Pac12's scheduler's coffee:  Thanks, dick.  Unless Matt Barkley quits the team to become a porn actor or something, UW will lose by 127.  Potential trap game for VT, though.  Duke's played them tough lately, and it's the week before the Clemson game.  Gotta bring it hard at the tailgate flipcup table this week.

Sun Oct 14

1:00pm:  Bengals @ Browns

   Cowboys @ Ravens

4:00pm:  Pats @ Seadicks

   Vikings @ Redskins

GREAT games for all of our NFL teams this week.  Unfortunately, DirtyGirts will be out of town at that dildo sales convention.

Thurs Oct 18

8:20pm:  Seasquawks @ Niners

Short week, on the road, against the NFC West favorites?  Yikes.

Sat Oct 20

Time TBD:  VT @ Clemson

       UW @ Arizona

Make-or-break game for VT.  UW should get back into the win column, but it'll be close.

Sun Oct 21

1:00pm:  Browns @ Colts

   Cowboys @ Panthers

   Cards @ Vikings

Ewww.

Thurs Oct 28

8:20pm:  Bucs @ Vikings

For reference, the college game tonight is Clemson @ Wake.  So yeah.  You'll be watching the Vikes.

Sat Oct 27

Time TBD:  Oregon State @ UW

Beavers LOL.

Sun Oct 28

1:00pm:  Chargers @ Browns

   Seavultures @ Lions

4:00pm:  Giants @ Cowboys

Trav's game is the star this week, although the Seahawk defense vs. Detroit could be interesting.  Also, the Browns win!

Thurs Nov 1

7:30pm:  VT @ Miami biiiiiiiiitch

Miami is garbage this year.  If VT loses, the coaches should take Greyhounds home.

Fri Nov 2

9:00pm:  UW @ Cal

Huge game.  Cal has underachieved for years, UW has owned them lately, and UW stole several Cal assistants last winter.   Cal wants this one BAD.  Plus, be honest, you're not watching anything else tonight.

Sun Nov 4

1:00pm:  Ravens @ Browns

4:00pm:  Viqueens @ Seafinches
8:20pm:  Cowboys @ Falcons

DirtyGirts vs. D-Rock!  Also, the Browns lose.

Thurs Nov 8

7:30pm:  Florida State @ VT

Thursday night in Blacksburg used to mean "VT is NOT losing."  Now it means "Let's ditch work at 11am, get stupid, and maybe watch the Hokies try not to choke."

Sat Nov 10

Time TBD:  Utah @ UW

Trap game.  Utah's defense is improving.  Chastity belt joke goes here.

Sun Nov 11

1:00pm:  Lions @ Vikings

4:00pm:  Jets @ Seapuffins

   Cowboys @ Eagles

Blah blah blah Cowboys Vick blah blah fart noise.  Also, Lions win big, and the Seahawks D might pitch a shutout.

Sat Nov 17

Time TBD:  VT @ Boston College

       UW @ Colorado

No thank you.

Sun Nov 18

1:00pm:  Browns @ Cowboys

Mick vs. Travicopter!  Bring extra tissues.

Thurs Nov 22

4:15pm:  Redskins @ Cowboys

I'm setting this week as the "over/under" for Redskin fans giving up on RG3.

Fri Nov 23

3:30pm:  Apple Cup

Whoever agreed to hold the Apple Cup on the day after Thanksgiving, in frickin Pullman, at frickin 12:30, should be forced to administer Rush Limbaugh's next prostate exam.  Without gloves.

Sat Nov 24

Time TBD:  UVA @ VT

That transfer QB from Alabama will put UVA in good posi-HAHA j/k VT by 70.

Sun Nov 25

1:00pm:  Vikings @ Bears

   Steelers @ Browns

   Seaturkies @ Dolphins

Steelers-Browns could be interesting.  Otherwise, it's another RedZone-heavy week.

Fri Nov 30

Time TBD:  Pac 12 championship game maybe LOL???

Bahhh who am I kidding.  :(

Sat Dec 1

7:45 or 8:00pm:  ACC championship game maybe???

Rematch of VT and somebody, then someone goes to the BCS and loses.  You know this tune, Hokie fans.  Don't act like you don't know and love it.

Sun Dec 2

1:00pm:  Seaparakeets @ Bears

   Vikings @ Packers

4:00pm:  Browns @ Raiders
8:20pm:  Eagles @ Cowboys

Go Browns!!  Also, Vikes-Pack is relevant to my interests.

Sun Dec 9

1:00pm:  Cowboys @ Bengals

   Chiefs @ Browns

   Bears @ Vikings

4:00pm:  Cards @ Seaquails

A couple of interesting divisional battles this week.  Also, the Browns go on a win streak.  :)

Sun Dec 16

1:00pm:  Redskins @ Browns

   Vikings @ Rams

4:00pm:  Seapheasants @ Bills

   Steelers @ Cowboys

Seahawks-Bills is outsourced to Toronto, because nobody in Real America wants to watch that shit.  Also, the Browns' winning streak ends.  :(

Sun Dec 23

1:00pm:  Saints @ Cowboys

   Vikings @ Texans

4:00pm:  Browns @ Broncos

   Niners @ Seagulls

Fun games this week.  I don't always root for the Cowboys, but when I do, it's to shut up the bandwagoning Saints fans.

Sun Dec 30

1:00pm:  Packers @ Vikings

   Browns @ Steelers

   Cowboys @ Redskins

4:00pm:  Rams @ Seaswans

Regular season ends with Boys-Skins getting all the love (giggity).