Boise is one of the most underrated towns in the West. There's tons to do in the city, it's close to rivers and mountains, it has a temperate climate, and they've got the ice cream potato.
When I told some east coast friends that I applied for a job in Boise, I was heartily derided. ("LOL, Nazis, Larry Craig, etc.") I didn't get that job, but I'll have my revenge. When I move there someday, I'm going to turn this site into a photo blog about my adventures in the real-life 1970s Coors commercial that is Boise. And you're gonna be sooooo jealous.
Unfortunately, this underrated city is home to one of the most overrated schools in the country: Boise State University.
As Hokie fans, you probably know 3 things about Boise State:
- Blue field
- Fiesta Bowl '07
- Chokie Bowl 2010
Now you'll learn some other things.
SCHOOL AND ENVIRONS
Boise is a city of over 200,000 people, nestled at the eastern edge of the Treasure Valley in southwest Idaho. The drive from Portland to Salt Lake City is over 800 miles long, and Boise is the only city on that drive that doesn't suck. Also, like most of southern Idaho, Boise is about one-third Mormon.
Boise Junior College was founded as a Sunday School in the 1930s. They started awarding 4-year degrees in the 60s, and finally achieved "university status" in the 70s. Kirk Cameron, Mariah Carey, and Winona Ryder are all older than Boise State University.
For years, BSU languished as a broke-ass commuter college. It was home to University of Idaho rejects and aspiring truck drivers. But now, thanks to their wildly popular football team, BSU is the largest commuter college in Idaho! With engineering classes and everything!
Your average Boise State student is white. No seriously, I mean white. Whiter than Mitt Romney's swimsuit area. So white they make Josh Groban look like 2 Chainz.
Famous BSU alums include:
- A porn star
- That's about it
OBLONG BALL
 |
| LOL congrats on your stupid Vegas Bowl titles LOL (...weeps uncontrollably). |
BSU started playing for bowls in 1996. Good times have been abundant since then...
1999: First 10-win season. First bowl game, sort of. (If it was played in their home stadium, does it still count?)
2003: First bowl game played outside of Boise.
2006: First undefeated season. Beat Oklahoma in amusing fashion.
2009: Another undefeated season.
2010: Finally beat a "good" team other than Oklahoma. (I blame the Hokies' uniforms.)
Boise State has won 10 games for 7 straight seasons, which means they are the greatest college football program ever according to Frank Beamer.
BSU has bounced among different conferences for their entire Division 1 existence. They currently play in the Mountain West with Nevada, Wyoming, and a bunch of other schools that play Wednesday night games on ESPN2.
BSU is coached by Chris Petersen (seen above, celebrating another meaningless bowl win). Each offseason, he's linked with every open football job across the country. But Petersen never leaves Boise, and he never will. Because nothing could replace the rich life he has in southwest Idaho. ......Plus he'd have to give up 9 easy wins every year.
Famous former gridders include:
- Kellen Moore (PEW PEW!)
- Titus Young (Crazy person)
- Doug Martin (The running back on your opponent's fantasy team who scores 40 points over projection the week you play against him. Fuck you, Doug Martin.)
Boise State plays on a blue field. Their fans call it "The Blue," and thanks to the enablers at ESPN, they basically never shut up about it. Also, it will never be as awesome as "The Inferno." (D-Rock's life partner wrote that.)
Boise State doesn't play Idaho anymore, because the fanbase in Moscow is full of nasty and inebriated rubes. On a related note: I'm guilty as charged. I've been to a grand total of 2 Vandal football games, and I was very drunk for both of them. At one game against Fresno State, I was so loud and obnoxious that I cleared out 3 rows around our group in the student section. On another related note: WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!) WHO DO WE HATE??? (BOISE STATE!!!)
ROUND BALL
 |
| Note that no Boise State basketball players are pictured here. |
Taco Bell Arena is one of the most storied venues in the NCAA tournament. March Madness has been staged there 8 times, and it's been host to several dramatic finishes and early-round upsets. Remember Tyus Edney's buzzer-beater? That happened in Boise. Remember when 15-seed Hampton upset 2nd seeded Iowa State? That also happened in Boise.
BSU's basketball team also plays in Taco Bell Arena. They mostly suck.
FANS
 |
| "KILLLLL MEEEEEE." |
Everything I wrote about Gonzaga basketball fans also applies to Boise football fans. Just read the "Fans" section at that link, and replace "Duke" with "Alabama."
BAND NERDS, MASCOTS, AND OTHER SYMBOLS
The "Keith Stein Blue Thunder" marching band is sponsored by a local beer distributor. There is nothing else remotely interesting about Boise State's band.
During the 2010 Fiesta Bowl, everyone laughed at cowbell girl. Then they found out she was blind. Then everyone felt bad about themselves.
But I still laugh. Not because of the blind thing, that's not funny. It's actually pretty awesome. Sound bounces around in a football stadium, so staying on-beat without seeing the director is freaking impressive. Major props, cowbell girl!
I just think it's funny that BSU (like many bands) thinks they need all those extra instruments on the sideline. I mean, come on. You're not the New York Philharmonic. You're a college marching band. You play in a giant concrete bowl for half-interested sports fans, many of whom are plastered.
How did this start? What was that conversation like? "You know what would really set off this half-tempo version of Livin' On A Prayer? A cowbell and a marimba!!!!" That's funny to me. College marching bands have the potential to be so awesome, but most of them suck so hard.
I just think it's funny that BSU (like many bands) thinks they need all those extra instruments on the sideline. I mean, come on. You're not the New York Philharmonic. You're a college marching band. You play in a giant concrete bowl for half-interested sports fans, many of whom are plastered.
How did this start? What was that conversation like? "You know what would really set off this half-tempo version of Livin' On A Prayer? A cowbell and a marimba!!!!" That's funny to me. College marching bands have the potential to be so awesome, but most of them suck so hard.
Boise State's mascot is a donkey named "Buster Bronco." Yes I know he's supposed to be a bronco. He's not. He's a donkey with a weird tail. Fix it or learn to deal, Boise fans.
HOW THIS MAKES YOU FEEL
Boise State is slowly turning into a respectable school. Which is great. Seriously, the entire state of Idaho is pretty short on those.
But even if I weren't a part-time Idaho fan, I can't approve of "Bronco Nation."
The current edition of Bronco Nation isn't a humble bunch of underdogs scrapping for respect on a blue field. Today's Bronco Nation is a half-million bandwagoning dickheads, a bunch of insufferable ESPN fluff about blue turf, and the Frank Beamer Memorial "10-Win Season" Streak. (Fun fact: The infamous Statue-of-Liberty play that put Boise on the map? That was seven years ago!)
There are a few sports teams that sorely need 3 years of bad times, just to clear out the bandwagon and to force ESPN to talk about something else. Boise State football is Exhibit freaking A.
No comments:
Post a Comment